I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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