i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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