I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
