I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
