you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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