me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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