i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
