the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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