btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
