Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
