is your mom at the bar?
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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