you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
