she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
