She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
