Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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