3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
