I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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