I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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