My cat gives me a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just want nice things and good sex
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
