i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
