That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
