he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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