god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
