BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
