i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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