The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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