no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
