I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize