At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
