my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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