The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
