It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize