I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
