Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
