the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
