glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
