i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
