Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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