Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
