Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
