rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
