She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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