drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
