you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
