Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
