I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
