You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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