Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
