I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
