I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
