Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
