whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't EVER smell your tampon
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
