You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
