Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
