I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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