Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If that was your dad, he is hot
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
