You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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