If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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