On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
