A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
