Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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