hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
