I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize