you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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