Cold hands, warm shart.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
