I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
