i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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