kristin has been a bad kristin
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
