I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
