Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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